A big grant was due yesterday at 4:30pm.
I had 90% of it done, but just had to upload a video and some more images. So when my ex-husband called to ask if I could watch the boys during the school day, who were both sick, I said it shouldn't be a problem, because I could work from home.
Maybe there's more to Grumpy Bear than I thought... darned optimism.
I wouldn't trade taking care of my sons for the world, but when it's a grant (well written and very fundable) that would pay 1/2 my income next year, I should have finished it in the dining room while Carebears were on... instead of watching it, trying to remember which bear I had (Grumpy Bear, I do believe.)
As any parent knows, the day can go 100 different directions without any clue of what will be done, or when. It was definitely the case yesterday. I was sideswiped at various points (different than sidetracked, where I get off course due to something inside me, not something outside me.) But the grant was only needing an hour of my time and maybe some proofreading. So when I saw my video wasn't working well, I calmly tapped through the process, one step at a time, and got it done. Then those last images were uploaded and fine.
But then I looked at the clock and realized that I had to pick up my daughter 30 minutes away, leaving me with 15 minutes, by the time I got home to finish uploading the grant information. No problem. I'm chill.
Until I get home, forgetting that my landlord is showing the house at 4:30. I open my laptop in my parking space and luckily can get on my network. I go to the website, check it over quick, and se.... my landlord comes up to my car to see what I'm doing... asks about this... and that... and I finally admit that I have to get this thing submitted by 4:30, so he left me at it.
2 minutes left... I'm fine. I pressed "submit." Red text pops up. My eyes go wild... what? Wha?! (insert favorite 4-letter words here....) (Keep in mind, kids are still in the car, uncertain why we can't go inside, so I'm explaining this and why I'm upset with my computer.) Where? Where did I screw up? 1 minute left...
Scrolling through each page of the grant, I see I forgot to mark them "complete," since I didn't truly understand that part, I GUESS! My computer couldn't be going any slower... Then I press "Submit"... nope. Something else was missing... probably a 20 second window to discover, fix and breathe.
Found it! My name wasn't typed into some window... and I could' t figure out how to do it. "Edit"!! Okay... edit... yup... put in name (thank goodness it's short). Save. Good. Submit.
Nope. 4:31pm. The applications are now closed.
Grumpy Bear. Yup... that was the one I had. Raindrops and hearts flowing from the cloud on my chest...
I called my friend, who works in the grant world, as well. She's one one I would have called and yelled at for having a stupid site, with stupid buttons, and stupid deadlines. So luckily I'm not one of those people! (don't be one of those people!)
Here's the deal. It took me days to carve out time to do a grant to pay for an artist in residency in greater Minnesota. Yet, when it is all said and done, even though I didn't press submit, I have a hunch... it will be okay. I just have to trust that I was not meant to press send.
I used to not like that I had Grumpy Bear... mostly because he wasn't happy, love ridden and pink. Plus I was a happy optimistic kid, pretty much all my life. But maybe I was meant to have Grumpy Bear, to remind me of that kid I was, and will be. I won't be grumpy for long... and last night... I wasn't. I just have to look past the clouds and see the raindrops as lovely.